On the day of my high school graduation, I was pregnant. My boyfriend and I had been dating for two years and when I looked out from the stage to see him, in true fashion, he wasn't there. He was golfing. I was so scared to tell my parents, I swear my dad didn't talk to me for months because he was so disappointed. He still helped me move my stuff to a tiny little apartment, but not a word while he was doing. I was so scared, all I had was my parents and a job at the nursing home washing dishes, but I was going to do it, and I was going to try to do my best.
Fast forward exactly 18 years. I am 36 now. The phone rings.
"mom, do you have a minute to talk"
me: "my phone is dying, what's up?"
her: "mom I have to tell you something..."
me: "you're pregnant"
her: "how'd you know???"
Here is where a rush of feelings rush through me. Sad, scared, worried, mad. I do not know what to say to this tiny little girl that grew up before I was ready for her to. I've always made these pictures up of how I want life for everyone to be. I always find this to be a huge mistake, and life is never like that. But with my daughter, it's a very hard pill to swallow. I want college, a road trip with her friends, a man who treats her like a queen. I want time for her to grow up, to find out who she truly is, a successfull career where she doesn't have to find a babysitter. No long nights when the baby has a temperature and keeps throwing up while she worries and cries because this is so scary. Not when she is just 18.
But this little girl, who used to dress the cat in doll clothes and would smear my lipstick on her babydoll when I wasn't looking, she is going to be a mother.
It has been a couple of weeks and I am settled down and am going to focus on this tiny little miracle that will be my grandchild.
I see many, many baby tutorials in the future. She doesn't want to know the sex, so it will all be fit for a boy or a girl...so get ready my sweet little readers...mammie is gonna get to sewing!!!
(I texted Bethanie last night and asked her if I could be mammie. It makes perfect sense, my mom will always be nannie so mammie would be perfect. "mkay" she texts back)